My experience

  My experience  does not negate  your experience. 

 My life is not consistently filed or recorded so  there is no one here to say what I experienced didn't happen to me. 

 Your life is not concaistently filmed. Or recorded so there is no one here to say whT you experienced  didn't happen to you. 

What we can do is tell our story and hope other people. Listen with compassionate ears  and  thoughts of grace . Empathy and understanding. Sensitivity  and hearts  that feel.

 Crazy bout you in the worst way. I tired to love you in the best way. 

 The  love was not reciprocated in the way I wanted. I wanted you to be to me what I once was to you.

what we love in men !!

 10 things that men do that we love?

I love when they clean up with us.
I love when we are all sitting at the table. And eating.



Ten things men do  that I love

1. I love when you take the trash that thing is so sexy.
2. I love when you. Give me a tight hug that almost feels like I'm suffocating only to instantly be filled with love when you let go.

3. I love when you smile with your eyes.

4. I love when you share your thoughts no matter how raw they are I am  interested in knowing what's on your mind release.

5. I love the way you love us, from your daughter and sons to your mother and father from your brother and sister. The guidance you give the support you live.

6. I love the silly in you. That child-like nature you only give to me when no one is looking.

7. I love your kindness and chivalry the doors you open the chairs you pull out. The flowers you bring and the breakfast you cook the gas you pump the groceries you bring in the meat you cook on the grill.

8. I love your accountability, your ownership when you do well and when you do wrong.  Your accountability to me to us to the. Honest it's open commendable.

9. I love your strength to keep going.  Your strength to rise above in silence. Your consistent effort to grind despite the odds.

10. I love you. Just for who you are with all the flaws and all the struggles all the ups and all the downs all the in's and all the out's. I love you for you black man.

Get up

Me too me three

Yeah all of you get up.
Depression left us today so open the windows and dust with a rush before she comes back.
Make your meals and make your plans.
Shit have a  rain dance for more days like this.


Thank god he gave you  this day.
Get up  girl work out today go out to day be for mania comes back.

  Look in the mirror and give that girl a smile staring back at you.  Hurry give her one more compliment or two.

Today is a good day. So enjoy it. Pain comes and goes but to day is a happy and joyous one so  kept it light dont fight the feeling and make yourself  right.

Get up and keep going and  maybe. Depression and.mania many not notice you. Maybe they will not recognize  you  in all your light and maybe they wont pick a fight.

Get up girl cause you need you.
Get up girl cause I see you.
Get up girl cause I am you.

The longer I live the stronger it becomes apparent I’m ok. I’m Strong on my own. The trurth is. I don’t want to be on my own. I want understanding. Love and compassion. Someone who loves me on my worse days.

Iwant what Is for me. I don’t care about everyone else’s dreams. I realize that It’s going be a long while before happiness meets me. So I’ll have some joy in the mean time. I’m getting to know myself more. Everyday I look in the mirror. I like me a little better.

i. Forgiving myself today for the years of hurt I’ve caused myself. The years of thinking I didn’t deserve better. The years of saying I’m ok with less. Well I’ve reached a time where I’m not not ok with less.

god gave me talents a gifts it’s time I start using them. It’s time I become everything I want to be inside and out.

From my hair to my nails.

From my mind to my style.

To my love and my joy.

To my home and my comfort.

I deserve and will achieve all of my dreams even if that means being on my own.

I desire and deserve more.

so I’m going to be real open. If you don’t want a long post skip it.

one month ago I bought my sons bunk beds and 2 twin mattress.

Moses an I have been sleeping on the floor or couch since November 2019. It june 2020. I save up 400 dollars bought a mattress and a rug. One day after buying the rug my kids crap on the rug . One day after having the mattress they spill ketchup on thebed. I cleaned. both myself when I got home.

now I’m arguing with their father cause maybe he don’t understand. It’s been almost a year with no bed. That don’t matter to you but it mattered to me. He consistently says I worry about small stuff. small stuff is what matters it’s the foundation to a family. I’m made because he didn’t want to put the bed up. I asked before he went to work and after he got home. Why. Is it hard for him to understand? I’m not trying to bash him or even hurt him I just want to know why my well-being isn’t at the top of his list. I want to know why our kids well being are not at the top of his list? why am I concsidtently told by him and every other black man in my community that I’m required to much I bitch nag and complain to much. Why and I required to build a man? Why am I required to hold on to dear life for this one black man who wouldn’t bat an eye at me if the tables were turned. I’m tired of trying to explain. I’m tired trying to get some one to listen or see things my way. I want to be heard. I want to be seen. I want to be cared for. I want someone to want better for me. I want some one who wants to build . I want someone to see how much the small stuff matters. I feel unwanted. I feel used, I feel desperste. I’m tired y’all.

Everything that’s important to me is small stuff. But some how I’m suppose to listen to you? You don’t care about what I care about? What matter to you do matter to me. An what matter to me do matter to you. If I was a white woman with orange hair you would listen. If I were a presegist concious woman you would listen. You don’t care and you don’t listen because it’s coming from me. I hate it . I hat this. I hate us. It’s not fair.

this ain’t even love this that stupid shit. I come home and clean every day cause you deserve a clean home. I cook or buy food cause you deserve it. Tell me after 8 years what do I deserve?


what do I deserve? can’t you see how little you care? What do I deserve can’t you see how little you do for me?? What do I deserve can’t you see how you hurting me? What do I deserve can’t you you see you cant love me.

Lost in his visible realm.

Within her eyes by Imani J W.

Loyalty won't get you everywhere, but it can get you places. I am feeling low but, not for long. People are people and with that, they don't always see the things you do for them and how easy you made it for them. When individuals learn the effort you put forth, they will become appreciative; even if they never say they do. Don't look for approval, approve it yourself. Don't ever expect things from others. if you have a goal .. reach it, touch it, taste it, and if you can't, pray for it, and fight harder for it. I've never been so low and feel so close to god before. Creator .. creator .. what is in store for me? Creator, Creator, why did it take me so long to learn this lesson ?

I continuously had to be beat with a stick. whacked with a door, talked to with the strongest energy. Nearly go insane and come back again just to do the same thing. Every time we argue its like clash of the titans , its like thunderstorm meets tornado. Hurricane meets earthquake. Its never good for our sake or the children's I wanted to be the Queen you saw me as, I wanted you to be the King I knew you could be. But you just didn't want to put in the work and i just didn't feel like working hard anymore. You wanted to be praised for what you were suppose to do. you wanted to be given and ego stroke for doing the bare bone minimum and I choose not to. I loved you, I wanted the best for my kids and you. I wanted you to be a better man, I wanted you to be a better father. I needed you to be my leader not the other way around. I needed a shoulder to cry on but i couldn't express myself. If i did i was just nagging bitching and complaining about the little things. The funny part is if they were so little ? why couldn't we just get through them ?

But who am I to ask for the near thing I couldn't respect in the end. We hurt each other over and over again but I'll take the blame, I made you feel worse. Now communication isn't there, you need someone to pick you up and have your back.. I thought I was doing that, but i guess not. I can't tell you how many times I wanted to leave wit out breaking up shit. How i wanted to run away in the breeze and never feel again. Without feeling Lower than the floor, soil and roots of the tree. I am on E and only my creator can restore me. How did I allow you to take so much energy from me. How did i allow you to make me so angry. How did i allow you back in my heart. Creator creator.. help me with this part.
help me heal and be healthy, help me grow and understand. I don't have to be hard I don't have to fail. I can succeed in life if I put my mind to it. I wished he could be what he was not, and that's the place that I stop.