so I’m going to be real open. If you don’t want a long post skip it.

one month ago I bought my sons bunk beds and 2 twin mattress.

Moses an I have been sleeping on the floor or couch since November 2019. It june 2020. I save up 400 dollars bought a mattress and a rug. One day after buying the rug my kids crap on the rug . One day after having the mattress they spill ketchup on thebed. I cleaned. both myself when I got home.

now I’m arguing with their father cause maybe he don’t understand. It’s been almost a year with no bed. That don’t matter to you but it mattered to me. He consistently says I worry about small stuff. small stuff is what matters it’s the foundation to a family. I’m made because he didn’t want to put the bed up. I asked before he went to work and after he got home. Why. Is it hard for him to understand? I’m not trying to bash him or even hurt him I just want to know why my well-being isn’t at the top of his list. I want to know why our kids well being are not at the top of his list? why am I concsidtently told by him and every other black man in my community that I’m required to much I bitch nag and complain to much. Why and I required to build a man? Why am I required to hold on to dear life for this one black man who wouldn’t bat an eye at me if the tables were turned. I’m tired of trying to explain. I’m tired trying to get some one to listen or see things my way. I want to be heard. I want to be seen. I want to be cared for. I want someone to want better for me. I want some one who wants to build . I want someone to see how much the small stuff matters. I feel unwanted. I feel used, I feel desperste. I’m tired y’all.