I am very angry with myself and also at the world, so to figure out why I feel this way. Anger some times comes from fear so this week i am going to focus on what i fear and why i maybe afraid.
-LOVE
I am a virgin and as a virgin I don't participate in any sexual act aside from holding hands, kissing, and hugging I only allow my self to do this with someone I favor a lot. I have always wanted someone who understood that and i still do but i never thought a person could try to tempt you so bad. It is safe to say now i am still a virgin but it didn't stop people from doing what they wanted to do with or without me.
Loving a guy in particular is the most difficult for me. I was heart broken by that "teen lover", you know when you feel like you are in love at 14 well it lasted until I was 16 and then i realized no one is suppose to hurt you that way. He cheated on me 3 times and it hurt me the most the third. How could someone who loved you or claimed that they love you disappoint you so many times? It's as if guys just say sorry to some how right or make up for their wrongs. Instead of just getting it together.
If you thought the was all I liked another guy, and i knew he liked me, but he was dirty and physically and emotionally cheating on me with a girl he new in Flordia on a business trip with the school. Talk about me trusting some one i barely knew. And he was the one who broke it off in the end. He never liked me in the first place, I was a different, fresh or new idea of being "monogamous". But he and I were both similar and far from the same. what a hypocroitcal situation.
so in the end this feels good to get out why I may and am angry. I will never feel I have control until i release and uncover my anger. I will no longer be afraid to express the way I feel, and I will not except any treatment less then what I know I am worth to my standard .
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